Worthwhile Contemplation

Yesterday was a day of contemplation for me. I had to have a procedure performed which may determine if I will have a need for medical concerns and it gave me reason to think about a lot of things. I think all the time but they are usually controlled thoughts and, when I can't control them, instead of allowing them to get the best of me I will find escape from them in reading or some other distraction. Unfortunately, these thoughts refused to be squelched and so I escaped into sleep followed this morning by work which doesn't leave room for personal thought.

I believe in the power of the mind....it's power to aid us or hinder us. The thoughts of future problems crossed my mind but I was able to deter those thoughts easily. I don't tend to worry about things over which I have no control but instead deal with things as they occur and make what I consider to be the best informed decisions at the time. The only times I've not been able to control worry were the times my children didn't meet curfew or something and then my mind imagined all possible things.

My congested and disarrayed thoughts of yesterday centered around my life.....the past, the present, and what the future might be if I'd not continue the bad habits I'd become comfortable with. A dreamer remains just a dreamer if some effort is not put into making the dreams come true. Desires in life are not attained by just thinking about them. Changes aren't made without first making a step in some direction. It does me absolutely no good to want life to be different if all I'm going to do is sit here imagining the possibilities. If I'm not realistic about my goals, I may never find my way toward them.

So, I sat today with calm deliberation mentally reviewing what I did not like about my life and what I'd like to see change. Were the things I wanted out of my reach realistically? Was I deliberately sabotaging myself; cheating myself out of a happier life by making the same dubious but subconscious choices? If there was no tomorrow, what would I do today? Pretty heavy thoughts which, instead of being depressing, were quite liberating. When you stop to really think about things, it's easy to distinguish between those things which are truly important and those things that are merely cumbersome responsibilities we've accepted as part of our life load.

I can still be here ten years from now complaining about the same job just because it's financially better for me to remain there. Certainly, changing jobs involves a risk that the next might not be better or not support me as well, but then it could be a job that fulfills more than just my financial needs. I could date instead of avoiding it, I could return to college instead of finding obstacles in doing so, I could do so many things that I think of but never act on. All of life is a risk. No decision we make guarantees success or happiness so why not chance it? Good question for myself.

It's been another clarifying moment in my life and I always welcome them once I can get my thoughts working for me instead of against me. The last such moment I had was when I decided to have all these tests done so that I'd know how to progress with life and which directions would be available to me. So what if I have something to deal with? I always knew that possiblity existed.....though I really didn't expect it and it took me by surprise. I'll still not waste my time with senseless worrying but instead utilize the intervening time by making calls and necessary steps towards those things I've been wanting to do but just found easier to put aside.