I dropped into the pond creating a sizeable splash which displaced the smooth surface of the water creating a concentric pattern of ripples uncontrolled by me. Immersed within the center I remain even as they form to encircle and span out around me, all separate but interconnected elements affecting one another with only the force of my splash determining how many or how far-reaching they might be.
This is how I feel as I take the step which will alter life as I know it. Like a stone, I’m incapable of controlling the actions and reactions which may occur because of it. I can try to predict them and subdue their impact by minimizing my own original action but I cannot halt them. I don’t stand alone despite my solitude and, while I am aware of those who will be immediately affected, it boggles my mind to find how much my singular existence influences those far beyond me.
It is my desire to forestall these events because I cannot be certain that I do no harm. Just because I want change, it doesn’t mean those interconnected are prepared for or even want change within their own lives. When I think of it, however, I’m aware that every person must make the decisions best for themselves and, though my own decision may be a catalyst, the good or bad which occurs is due to their own choices when presented with the change.
People are so accustomed to the familiarity and routine of their lives that even the smallest change can disturb their peaceful existence. And, for me, it would be a simple matter of settling back into my own secure life if not for the commitment I’ve given to this change. Tumultuous emotions conflict with one another and constantly flip-flop depending on whom or what is affecting me…confidence and uncertainty, sadness and happiness, regret and anticipation…you name it.
Thus far within the experience, I’ve found something which had always eluded me and that I treasure more than those in my life can possibly know. It is the knowledge and acceptance that, regardless of what I do, I am loved and that those who love me support me completely despite their own desires. This, more than anything, gives me the strength and confidence to face every tomorrow I’m granted.
Change is not necessarily a bad thing or something to fear. While there is opportunity for negative results, there’s equal opportunity for positive. I’m into creating the positive and dealing with the negative if, and when, it does come my way. The larger we live, the more we experience, and the more we grow, the closer we’ll come to finding the happiness we strive for. It’s time I lived and stopped simply existing. There’s got to be a way to do it all. I just have to find it.
So begins my search.
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