Pondering Love

LOVE

When you see that word, who or what automatically is associated?

Your thoughts may veer immediately to chocolate, a child, a favorite place, a sunset, man/woman, country, God..........you name it. The connotation of love lends itself to many things.

I talked with someone at one time who said that unconditional love does not exist. I begged to differ with him. (I differed with him on many subjects and had incredibly stimulating conversations. lol) When thinking of unconditional love, I immediately think of my children. The love which began with conception and continues to this day has never varied. There may be times that I've not particularly appreciated their actions or attitudes but the consuming love within my heart is never altered. They could do nothing in this life to change that. There are others in this life whom I've extended the same consideration to. What I find strange, however, is that I've never extended unconditional love unto myself and I wonder how many of us are that way. I've set many conditions upon myself; have failed my expectations and at times superceded them.

I was looking at a list on another site which stated the requirements to love yourself unconditionally and again I wondered how many of us have achieved that way of thinking about ourselves.

Free to be yourself.
You have value and worth.
Wanted and desired for you as you are rather than for what you do.
Listened to and understood.
That you have yourself to offer others which in itself is worthwhile.
Warm, cared for, and nurtured.
You are OK just the way you are.
That there is no need to wear a mask or to act in any way just to please another.
Free to be yourself and to open up your feelings with no fear of rejection or non-approval.
That it is possible to take the risk to be vulnerable in order to have open and honest relationships with others.
No fear of retribution or reprisal from others if you should make a mistake or experience a failure.
That there are no conditions set on your relationships with yourself.

How is it that we can extend unconditional love to others and yet not ourselves? Are our expectations for ourselves our own or those which have been impressed upon us? I hope I'm not giving you the idea that I dislike myself for how I feel about myself is quite contrary to that. I am a work in progress, definitely, but there were times I didn't like or accept myself at all and the thought of unconditional love for others stands out in stark contrast to that. It is so easy to love others and yet not yourself.

Anyway........

How conditional are the other types of love? Real love is a choice. It's an act that we participate in; the actions of which are interpreted by the person giving and the person receiving. How conditional is your love for a friend.......is the worth of the friendship based on the person's characteristics, actions, or wealth of interactaction between you or do you love them simply because they exist?

I think we all as men and women seek consumate love which combines all the elements of love....friendship and acceptance, intimacy and trust, passion for one another and common interests, and commitment to one another and to the shared vision of what we want the relationship to be. Do we ruin our chances to achieve this by setting conditions which hinder it; conditions which we may or may not be consicously aware we're using as indicators or deciding factors?

hmmmm, as I said, my thoughts are churning this morning and you're the recipients of glimpses into my insanity.