Momentary thought

You think you know yourself but, until you're faced with each new circumstance; each new situation, you really don't know which part of you will come to the fore to affect the decisions you make or influence the feelings you'll have. You can say that you'd do this or that but, in reality, each moment is unique with unlimited possibilities and reactions to it. What you do is dependent on so many variables and combinations thereof. If a particular scent causes you to recoil or linger, the time of day finds you energetic or lethargic, a blending of environmental colors soothes or incites you, increasing or decreasing decibels of sound cause you to cringe or turn your head to catch the slightest note...each moment is a composite that never can be repeated and will draw from you a possibly familiar reaction or possess the ability to create a new, unexpected reaction. It will, in itself, be unique determined by the combination of elements which occur within that moment. If you could freeze a moment and with keen awareness separate each element existing within it, there would be too many to list and yet we are affected by everything around us whether we're consciously aware of it or not.

Examining a reason for a decision made would involve the current moment, the moments that led up to the current one as well as the distant past and the future that exists within our minds, for we all have one envisioned. We all have expectations for the day, the month, the year ahead. We have expectations of what it will be even though we know that tomorrow is not guaranteed. We may see it as unchanging from what we know today; we may see it varying greatly, nevertheless we see it with our own personal expectations, dreams, and hopes. We are influenced by the future as much as we are by the past or present for it is in what we hope for ourselves that we determine our next move, action, decision...whatever...and yet it cannot be separated from the past or present. All time comes together in that one moment to influence what we do, how we react.

A person who has lived much a solitary life...not cultivating relationships by choice or circumstance...will feel comfortable with himself and feel that he has a strong personal knowledge of himself for he's spent little time outside of himself. He wouldn't be wrong for he'd know the person that life, environment, and habit has created. Introduce change to his existence, however, and he's faced with new thoughts, feelings, and reactions unfamiliar to him caused by new influences. The person he knew is now forced to encounter facets of himself which he never knew existed. Based on his assurance that he knows himself, he will argue constancy even as he changes and later will find himself surprised by a new self-awareness and will even have opportunity to eat the proverbial crow.

If you've ever heard the saying, "Never say never.", you might have already found it to be a very realistic warning. Everything up to this point may have given you a false sense of self-restraint because the variables have not caused you to act out of character, but life is ever-changing and continuously presenting you with unexpected variables which may cause you to do many things you'd never think possible. We do not exist separate from our environment and everything affects and influences who we are and what we do and this is forever evolving. While we may affirm an intimate knowledge of ourselves, it is only the persons we were yesterday and are in the current moment that we are familiar with. The next moment and beyond will further define who we are and will continue until that last moment of life determines exactly who we are, who we have become. Only when life can no longer affect us will the process of personal evolution cease. Only when we die do we cease to grow as only human beings can.

Take a middle-aged, solid, law-abiding citizen who's never had to feel the pangs of conscience due to having cheated, stolen, or lied. Take away everything he has in life and make him destitute and he will be forced to put aside that conscience at times in the name of survival. Take a poor young woman who'd never steal regardless of what she alone faced in life. Make her a one-income, poverty level mother with a sick child and not enough money for medicine and see which survives...her child or her personal values. Take the most selfish, self-serving, penny-pinching individual and introduce him to the right cause which touches him personally and watch him give tirelessly and generously. Never say never whether it's a positive or negative for you just never know what life will ask of you.

Human intelligence, emotion, and reasoning removes us from existing on instinct and habit alone. While each moment may not be within our control, we do have the ability to affect future ones by understanding what factor within each moment causes us to react as we do. It becomes a conscious choice. If something causes us to react in anger, identifying causes allows us to avoid them if we have a desire not to react similarly in the future. Another example is smoking. Certainly there is a nicotine addiction but more so there is a habit formed around that addiction which feeds it. What, more than anything else, causes you to reach for that cigarette? Of course, change requires aknowledgement that there is a need for change, a personal desire to be different from who life has made us thus far, and manipulation of successive moments to affect that desired change or variance from our comfortable norm.

How often do we feel so certain of what we want; of a particular path we've chosen, just to have life show us something different which affects how we feel and what we decide? We probably all know someone who pursued a certain dream just to determine after a lifetime that the dream wasn't what they really wanted or needed after all. The elusive dream is the one we don't recognize because we're too busy chasing what we think we want. We convince ourselves early on of what we believe we must accomplish or have and seldom veer from the pathway to it even as life is giving us indications of what it is we truly desire. Whether it is our own expectations we have for ourselves or others' expectations of us, we blind ourselves to how simple the pathway to happiness really is. Contentment is not found in plaques on the wall, initials behind our names, or material possessions. It is found within the human interaction we enjoy along the way; those people who share our journey. Unfortunately, most of us are too busy achieving or searching for that elusive dream to give credible time to those relationships so that they fall along the wayside. We're often left alone in the end or else we've formed empty relationships without meaning because those who really saw us, understood us, gave up hope of us ever really seeing them and opted to take an alternate path. We can find happiness anywhere if we adjust our expectations. As long as our immediate needs are taken care of, beyond that our happiness is determined by what exists within our own minds and hearts. There is nothing wrong with dreams, goals, aspirations unless they take the joy away from living the life you do have. It doesn't mean that you have to accept the status quo; it simply means that we, ourselves, take away the opportunity for contentment by focusing on what we don't have instead of appreciating what we do. (There are, of course, extreme situations for which this scenario is far too simple, such as an abusive relationship or homelessness.)