Thinking out loud

We're all private to some degree. Even with the most candid, outgoing individual, there is a private side which no-one else shall ever see. Do we ever put ALL of ourselves out there? Having been brought up in a conservative household where individuality and self-expression was not always encouraged, I've often found myself having biased opinions about much of the self-expression evidenced by today's free-for-all. Not appreciating it for what it is, I've often discouraged my own childrens' choices of expression or tried to hold them back knowing how society might be prejudiced against them and limit their choice of paths. I still hesitate to approve some things for what may bring them satisfaction in the moment may not have the same affect in their future. Some things you can't undo, some things you can't take back, some things are irretrievable and I prefer the option of unlimited choices. However, considering that our days are not promised, is it not more important to grab the happiness where you can than worry about tomorrow? I heard that country song, Live Like You Were Dying, the other day and it gave me pause as it does every time I hear it. Perhaps I should play it for myself every day instead of waiting to be reminded by the prompt of a DJ.

I don't allow myself the freedom of self-expression often enough and I'm finding how difficult it can be. When you're not born witty and interesting, it then becomes something you must practice and I don't think of it until I'm faced with a need or desire to be funny. I'm one of those who loves to laugh but will have to rely on someone else's wit. I accept that I've a serious nature and I'm comfortable in my own skin. It doesn't mean I can't have fun or won't seek it out, it just means that I won't be leading the pack in this type of endeavor. I have my moments of pranks and silliness and my wit, when forthcoming, is often dry, sometimes sarcastic, and often one of those out-of-nowhere whammies that are funnier than they deserve to be due to their minimal appearance.

But, back on track, I'm thinking about being private; about not sharing yourself with others. We're not open books that can be read by any passerby but rather complex personalities whom no-one will know unless we expose ourselves. How much do we want to expose? I'm certain that the person, the situation, and even the timing has a lot to do with it. It also has to do with how much we need to be known or how much we feel the need to hide. Some have a separate agenda which leads to a comfortable duality...much like hiding behind an online persona.

So why share online? Why give information about yourself to virtual strangers? For myself, my blog gives me a place to throw out ideas, to get something out of my own head. Writing assists me in sorting my own thoughts. What I write about doesn't need to be seen by others to satisfy my own need. Everyone has a need or motivation and it all begins and returns to us. For those who do know me, or desire to know me, there is enough within the words to get an idea of what goes on in my head and, therefore, who I am beyond what they already know. It is obvious by this blog that there is no major agenda, it's just my space. There again, this is just a place to throw an occasional idea, it isn't a journal to chronicle my entire life.

Online is the best way to interact with people without giving any more of yourself away than you want to. Everything is on your timetable without forced interactions or situations you can't control. You can sit behind an online persona, become anyone you want to be or be yourself which you don't allow yourself to be with the people intimate with your life. We're all conformists to some degree with some aspect of our lives. I began the online thing totally hidden behind an ID. I acted no differently than normal but I didn't feel comfortable revealing my real identity. (There's so much craziness in the world.) I didn't have a hidden agenda, wasn't into games, but I did have a desire to interact. My only agenda was to broaden my own horizons and grow as an individual. Only with time, did I allow certain individuals to know exactly who I was. I created valued relationships. Today, there are many who know who I am in real life and many of those are the same ones who first became my contacts online several years ago. I still don't have a separate agenda. I still don't have the liking or patience for games and BS. I do still enjoy the interaction and value the people connected to me. The only thing that has changed in all these years is my attitude toward privacy and my ability to discard or absord what comes my way. Well, another thing that has changed is the time that I actually spend online. That's decreased dramatically.

Of course, the question arises as to why I'd want to share myself with those who aren't directly connected to my everyday life. Why not? There are connections and then there are connections. Depends on how you look at it. I have connections online now that are equally as important as many of my offline ones. So what if these individuals live in another country or that I may never actually meet them in person? The connections are just as valid and wouldn't exist had I not put myself out there. What they've brought to my life is more than worthwhile and my original agenda has been satisfied.

Why do we hold back and, for some, to such a great degree? For most, there is a desire to fit in, be acceptable, etc., and the fear of rejection,personally or professionally, stunts our expression. For some, it's about avoiding the negatives that have been experienced before. So, it is about fear. With every facet we expose to the world, yes, we're taking the chance that we might be rejected but we're also taking the chance of acceptance. When unexposed, the person we are does not exist for anyone else. All anyone will have is a general impression of who they think we are or who we want them to believe we are. Would it not be better to be real and deal with the positive and negative feedback? Every interaction is worthwhile but the depth of the interaction is most important for what it brings to your life and what it allows you to contribute to life. Consider this, if we're real and exposed, those who genuinely like us for who we are would gravitate toward us and those who find us undesirable would go elsewhere. Perhaps even some of those individuals would like something enough to stick around even if they don't like the whole. It seems to me that the more real we are, the more life is going to be lived in a way that compliments us. You weed your garden. What better way to weed your life?