How do you define a life?

How much do we get caught up in living a life which is shaped by someone other than us? Is it society's patterns which we automatically conform or adjust to without giving it much thought to break the pattern? Those who choose to follow the tune of a different drummer are, within their own time, looked upon as nonconformists, rebels, weirdos, and often very misunderstood and unfortunate individuals. Is not the point of life to live it for yourself? Is not the pursuit in life to be happy and live it to the fullest? So, within the constraints of what is expected of us, do we miss out on many small experiences which we should be mourning? Many of those seen as rebels and ridiculed or condemned for being different are the very souls who have created enough change in their individual environments to reverberate into the remainder of society affecting much needed change or have left an indelible legacy behind now admired by many.

With regards to women, for generations it was expected that each woman would grow up, marry, start a family and never desire more for herself than that. Most accepted this and never looked beyond it. There are rules for society which we automatically follow and, if we step outside of what's acceptable, we are ourselves unacceptable. Those women who chose to seek more for themselves faced many obstacles and, while many fell to the wayside, others fought for themselves and in turn opened the door for the rest of us.

Take children for instance. We conceive them most usually within the confines of what is accepted overall by society. It is accepted that the best environment is two married parents of the opposite sex. In raising those children, there is a fundamentally accepted way to do so. Much of what we do for our children we do so in conformity to what government has ruled is decent and acceptable for the future of the nation's society overall. They must attend school, for instance. I'm not arguing the validity of that particular rule but there was a time not terribly long ago when only the most fortunate or wealthy children attended school. Some children became apprentices and learned a trade even when they didn't learn to read and write. It is expected that we can only love our children if we're seen to provide the basic necessities on a regular basis and many people have been convinced to give up their children when unable to provide on the premise that they'd do so if they truly wanted the best for their children. It is a general rule that if you marry and have children, you must become secondary in your own life so most of us relinquish our individual dreams and desires to direct all our efforts in their direction. For a lot of people, this is enough. For others, all their families are left with is an automated shell of a person just getting through the day.

I guess I'm sitting here wondering exactly how much of our lives we live confined to acceptable limits. While many of us grumble about our lives, we're obviously either secretly comfortable and happy with them but feel the need to explain away why we did nothing more or we don't have the gumption or courage to break the cycle we've created for ourselves or we've allowed to be settled upon us by society's expectations. Society has determined, through eons of history, what is best for individuals, families, and other groups. What happens when you choose to live outside the norm? Does it do irreparable harm to you, to your children or can it possibly shape a stronger generation?

Of course, I've been reading and it's caused me to think beyond the pages. "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls is a story about her own life. She and her siblings were raised by free-spirited, non-conformist parents and, though there was much they were deprived of, she reveals much that she and her siblings experienced which many children will never do. After the last page of her story, I'm left wishing I could know even more of what she and her siblings think about their lives as compared to those children who lived "normal" lives. Their accomplishments are their own but I wonder who they'd have become had their parents been the run-of-the-mill responsible, suburban conformists. Would they be different people? How much of our environment does affect who we become or would we be the same thanks to inherent characteristics despite our environment?

Ah well, I have to admit that while I'm glad I was able to provide for my children and they lived a normal existence, I sometimes wish I'd taken detours along the way just so they'd have comparison and experiences to draw upon. I so often wish I'd been less of the "expected" mother and more of a free spirit for them. Is it too late to affect anything? lol

Have a good weekend, everyone.